Monday, March 2, 2009

I'm Going to Spaz the Fuck Out

if this shit splashes back in my face... Those are the words that I kept reciting last Wednesday when I found myself with a stomach virus. True story...

So my beloved 9 month old son started vomiting and shitting all over the place on Monday morning through Tuesday night. I -being the mother that I am- was more worried about cleaning him up than protecting myself from the virus by wearing a face mask. So, you can guess what happened! I woke up Tuesday night with the worst stomach cramps in the world. All I knew was that I felt like i had morning sickness all over again and I wanted to just throw up my damn soul.

So, I run to the bathroom and bend over the toilet to throw up and realize that i don't have to throw up just yet... i actually have to SHIT! yes, women shit... yes, fly women shit and I did. i swear on everything that I love--- my ass exploded at 5:24 AM on Wednesday, Feb 25th. I get up to wipe my ass and the all too familiar urge to vomit came across me and what do i do???? You got it- turned to the toilet and began to vomit my heart out. All I kept thinking was that if my vomit bounced off the shitty water that was in my toilet and touched my face I was going to go ape shit!
Now, one may ask- Why didn't you just flush the toilet? Well, to answer that... I WAS THROWING UP DINNER FROM THANKSGIVING AND COULDN'T EVEN BREATHE LET ALONE FLUSH THE TOILET.

Advice from Khaki: If you find yourself in this situation- just throw up in the tub, sink, trash can --- ANYTHING beside the shit receptacle.



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