Monday, March 16, 2009

"You're in My Peripheral"... Why I dont bowl

I don't bowl. Nope, don't fucking do it. Before yesterday, it had been at least 10 years since I'd seen the inside of a bowling alley... but on a Sunday... with my people with nothing to do... we end up at the ghettoist bowling alley in Baltimore on Security Ave.

So... I'm with the usual suspects- Kia, Tasha and my cousin Calvin. We go into this funky ass bowling alley and this manly bitch with hella arm hair and no titties was at the register. He/She lets us know that it's 12 dollars each person, they close at 11pm and takes our fucking money. It's 9:48pm. We ain't got shit else to do so we stay and try to make the best out of it. Now, i should've been a lil weary because the damn sign said that closed at 12 and after my home girl asks if we can get shoes this bitch says "Oh yeah... what size?
What The Fuck???? Apparently, this is one of "those" types of places. By "those" I mean nigga ran establishments. There's niggas there bowling in Rockports, Timbs, fucking Jordan's and Air Force One's! So, I'm thinking if they don't wanna wear the ugly ass shoes, why should I? Fuck it! Imma rock these banana puddings and do me.

I can't bowl worth a shit. My peoples got 30 some odd points and I got 4. 4 funky ass points! Fuck it... I don't have a degree in bowling and we're just having fun. The way I look at it- it's more fun to lose when you're just kicking it.

Now... these people on the lane right next to us was on some other shit. They were on some... We come here three times a week and we got our own bowling shoes and bowling balls and we got fancy ass moves when we bowl and we got fancy ass gloves to do fancy ass bowling tricks on the lane type shit. This one dude had this shit down to a science... he would run up, roll the ball off of his fingertips at a 45 degree (?) angle and take his right leg and cross it behind his left leg sharper than Steve Harvey's old shape up.
The bitch that he was with was on some pro bowler shit too. This chick had on some fresh ass shoes with pink lines going down em and every time she'd miss a pin she'd say something like "fuck!" or "shit" or some other single word expletive.

So, we're bowling not paying much attention to the lane next to us besides the fact that they extra serious with their shit and this boney ass dude with the bowling glove - let's call him Slim yo- had a mean ass pose and form with his shit. Now, what i make of it was, there was a competition going on. Slim and Casper - some random looking ass high yella boy rocking the hell outta silk shirt and Champion sneakers- and single cuss word bitch and another girl Teiara was battling it out.
My cousin gets up while the single cuss word bitch is bowling and he bowls. This is where is the problem comes in... Apparently, there's some fucking Bowling Etiquette Rule Book that we didn't get when we paid. Maybe you have to ask for it like you have to ask for the fucking shoes??? Anyway- single cuss word bitch does what's she been doing all night- bowl, miss a pin, and cusses and now, all of the sudden, it's my cousin's fault cause he was "in my peripheral, fuck!". Now, I didn't hear that part... I thought she was mad because she missed the fucking pin. My home girl bowls, comes back and starts mimicking the girl that had a problem with my cousin breaking the 5th Amendment of Bowling: Thou shall not bowl while another bowls.
Instead of cussing her out... we do what the fuck we paid 12.00 to do. BOWL but this time, every time single cuss word bitch gets up, we cough, laugh or wait til she gets up there and then bowl. You think imma stop having fun because you don't have shit better to do but come here every fucking night and have stupid ass competitions with your friends? Didn't we pay the same amount? What the fuck? Why is your game more important than my shit? You shouldn't be a fucking fish with the ability to see outta the side of your fucking face!

I'm getting annoyed at this point and losing at bowling is no longer fun. I'm tired of Slim yo and single cuss word bitch, I don't wanna bowl anymore and I'm waiting for someone else to say something... then it happens. Slim yo decides it's OK to tell my home girl "politely" to wait until he finishes bowling so she doesn't mess up his concentration.
So... you mean to tell me it takes concentration, deep thought and a special formation to knock the fucking pins down? Oh, that's why I only have 4 points??? I haven't been concentrating enough and my form is all wrong. Get the fuck outta here! Let me tell you something... when it comes to any sport or damn near anything you do in life... it takes skill to be good at something and either you have it or you don't have it. Me coughing, farting, spitting or laughing will not prevent you from knocking the fucking pin down. They don't tell the fans to "shut the fuck up" when Kobe's at the free thrown line!
Anyway- after Slim yo basically bosses my home girl, i decide Game Over.Fat lady- or skinny man in this case- has sung... let's go home. Single cuss word bitch must've seen my face and heard me say "Fuck them" because she decides to approach Tasha on some " I'm not trying be mean- this game is just important to us" shit. I bounce and add this experience to the "8 reasons why i don't bowl"list.

From now on, when something doesn't go my way or when i make a mistake, I'll just blame it on whomever is in my damn peripheral.


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