The cousin and I were having a very heated discussion about physical appearances and dating yesterday. The topic: attractive people who end up with someone unattractive. Trying to figure out where that came from? Well, I was on the phone with my cousin while shopping and walked by a dude that was fine.. mmm mmm mmm fine. Dude was fine like Chili's baby hair edges. The girl that had her hand in his back pocket... not so much. Nicely put- She was a bucket. Not very attractive at all and passed the "what would make you a bucket?" test with flying colors. If the Nappyheaded Bros compared her to a car, she'd be a Daewoo with pink spinners and Tinkerbell seat covers. Alright, that's enough bucket bashing.
So, i say "damn, either they've been together for a super dumb ass long time or he's using her". Wrong? Maybe because that seems to be the case a lot but hear me out, please.
Now, my cousin who's the never been in love- never-been-kissed-or-fucked- happy-go-lucky- everything-is-rainbows-puppies-and-I-shit sunshine type, is appalled by what I just said. She can not fathom the thought that most people look at the outside first then the inside. My cousin refuses to believe that human beings could be so vain. She wants to believe that this fine ass Reggie Bush type dude ended up the this goon of a woman because he looked at her and thought "wow, she looks like she's smart and I'm sure she can stimulate me mentally".
So, I explained to my purest virgin of a cousin Khaki's Laws of Attraction.
Law 1: If fine woman ends up with Quasimodo the Hunchback of Notre Dame it's because (A) he has money (B) he has something to offer her that she can't/won't offer herself included but not limited to financial stability, power etc. or (C) he's the rebound dude and (A) and/or (B) more than likely applies.
Law 2: If fine dude is with bucket it's because (A) they've been together forever and he just got used to her ass or (B) he's using her for something and then it ends up going back to reason (A)
Law 3: People are attracted to other people as attractive or more attractive than themselves and a deficit in attractiveness can be made up with other attributes. Example: 5's go for 5's and higher but may settle for a 3 or 4 if that person is wealthy or holds a position of power. There's also a sliding scale of attractiveness but I don't feel like posting it.
and last but not least..Law 4: If you don't believe in any of the previous laws, please refer to the "Lil Wayne and his 18 baby mamas" case study. The study shows scientific evidence proving that a drug addicted rapper with the face of a gecko can meet and impregnate several universally attractive woman with his powerful baby pudding simply because of his wealth and fame.
Got it? Good.
Now, her argument? Look at Tiny and T.I and Jay-Z and Beyonce.
They are both couples that prove my theory is quite accurate. Tiny is a badger all day every day but she's been with TI since she's had a relevant career. They have children, history and, most of all, she had the money first, no??? TI's loyal to her in a sense that he wont leave and even put a ring on that badger finger BUT there's speculation that he's still creeping with Hoopz. Jay-Z? Wakes up and goes to sleep as a camel-faced man but he's fucking Jay-Z! Lovely camel humps and all, he's going to pull 10's.
More proof? Even Disney follows Khaki's Laws of Attraction. Beauty and the Beast... classic love tale of beautiful woman finding the inner beauty of a man-beast. Awww, thats so sweet. BULLSHIT. Belle was trapped in that house... had no where to go and she didn't even like the beast until she got comfortable in that mansion, met his talking pots and saw his expensive book collection. She didn't grow to love his looks; her tolerance for ugly built up. If this movie was done in 2010 and Aaron McGruder wrote the script, Belle would be the high school cheerleader who found true love in a Patrick Ewing faced guy with a mean jump shot. Beauty & the Beast Part 2: Belle, the NBA wife.
I know you guys are going to be fair and honest so, what are your thoughts? Is my tight-holed cousin right? Am I just a vain asshole with too much time on my hands? Don't you answer that last question.