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Friday, June 11, 2010

The Beauty and the Beast Theory- Opinions, please




Opinions please...

The cousin and I were having a very heated discussion about physical appearances and dating yesterday. The topic: attractive people who end up with someone unattractive. Trying to figure out where that came from? Well, I was on the phone with my cousin while shopping and walked by a dude that was fine.. mmm mmm mmm fine. Dude was fine like Chili's baby hair edges. The girl that had her hand in his back pocket... not so much. Nicely put- She was a bucket. Not very attractive at all and passed the "what would make you a bucket?" test with flying colors. If the Nappyheaded Bros compared her to a car, she'd be a Daewoo with pink spinners and Tinkerbell seat covers. Alright, that's enough bucket bashing.


So, i say "damn, either they've been together for a super dumb ass long time or he's using her". Wrong? Maybe because that seems to be the case a lot but hear me out, please.

Now, my cousin who's the never been in love- never-been-kissed-or-fucked- happy-go-lucky- everything-is-rainbows-puppies-and-I-shit sunshine type, is appalled by what I just said. She can not fathom the thought that most people look at the outside first then the inside. My cousin refuses to believe that human beings could be so vain. She wants to believe that this fine ass Reggie Bush type dude ended up the this goon of a woman because he looked at her and thought "wow, she looks like she's smart and I'm sure she can stimulate me mentally".




So, I explained to my purest virgin of a cousin Khaki's Laws of Attraction.



Law 1: If fine woman ends up with Quasimodo the Hunchback of Notre Dame it's because (A) he has money (B) he has something to offer her that she can't/won't offer herself included but not limited to financial stability, power etc. or (C) he's the rebound dude and (A) and/or (B) more than likely applies.


Law 2: If fine dude is with bucket it's because (A) they've been together forever and he just got used to her ass or (B) he's using her for something and then it ends up going back to reason (A)

Law 3: People are attracted to other people as attractive or more attractive than themselves and a deficit in attractiveness can be made up with other attributes. Example: 5's go for 5's and higher but may settle for a 3 or 4 if that person is wealthy or holds a position of power. There's also a sliding scale of attractiveness but I don't feel like posting it.

and last but not least..Law 4: If you don't believe in any of the previous laws, please refer to the "Lil Wayne and his 18 baby mamas" case study. The study shows scientific evidence proving that a drug addicted rapper with the face of a gecko can meet and impregnate several universally attractive woman with his powerful baby pudding simply because of his wealth and fame.

Got it? Good.







Now, her argument? Look at Tiny and T.I and Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Argument FAIL!
They are both couples that prove my theory is quite accurate. Tiny is a badger all day every day but she's been with TI since she's had a relevant career. They have children, history and, most of all, she had the money first, no??? TI's loyal to her in a sense that he wont leave and even put a ring on that badger finger BUT there's speculation that he's still creeping with Hoopz. Jay-Z? Wakes up and goes to sleep as a camel-faced man but he's fucking Jay-Z! Lovely camel humps and all, he's going to pull 10's.

More proof? Even Disney follows Khaki's Laws of Attraction. Beauty and the Beast... classic love tale of beautiful woman finding the inner beauty of a man-beast. Awww, thats so sweet. BULLSHIT. Belle was trapped in that house... had no where to go and she didn't even like the beast until she got comfortable in that mansion, met his talking pots and saw his expensive book collection. She didn't grow to love his looks; her tolerance for ugly built up. If this movie was done in 2010 and Aaron McGruder wrote the script, Belle would be the high school cheerleader who found true love in a Patrick Ewing faced guy with a mean jump shot. Beauty & the Beast Part 2: Belle, the NBA wife.
I know you guys are going to be fair and honest so, what are your thoughts? Is my tight-holed cousin right? Am I just a vain asshole with too much time on my hands? Don't you answer that last question.

27 comments:

Krissy said...

I think people are attracted to different things in a person. Some people are superficial, it's natural for people to be that way. Others, Like myself who aren't superficial in the least have had relationships with dudes who weren't grade A attractive. What attracted me to them was SOMETHING physical, be it their smile, their eyes, the way they carried themselves or merely the way they approached me. I love a man with substance and his bank account or car can't provide that for me. I pride myself in being a woman who doesn't just go for looks. I look for a package and if looks aren't "DAMNNN" that doesn't make me turn my nose up to a potentially good man.

There are a lot of single women out there who can't get past phase 1 to move into phase 2 because they are too damn superficial. Gon and let your eggs dry up and your ring finger untouched because you want Mr. Perfect Moneybags Jones.

Krissy said...

and maybe it's just me but I find Jay-Z Attractive. *shrug*

JStar said...

LMAO@this whole post...Girl you nailed it...I dated ugly guys because the sexy men were dogs, and then the ugly ones turned out to be possesive lol...So I am back to someone I dont mind waking up and seeing his face in the am....Attraction is the first emotion felt...which is physical...There are some cases where these rules dont apply but thats a rare....

NC17 said...

*wipes tears from my eyes* damn this was right on point. I think that a woman who's with a busted dude is because of money or power. Example A) The Dope boys who look like Marlow from the wire get women because of the power they have in the street and the money selling drugs get them. Men are more complicated, a woman won't stay with THE BEAST just because he has a mean penis game. Men on the other hand WILL stay with a MISS PIGGY if her sex game is crazy.

khaki la'docker said...

Krissy, if I find out you're my cousin, it's on!!!! By no means am I saying that you should pass on a good man because he isnt Lance Gross. What I am referring to is the initial physical attraction.
Whether its his eyes, smile or thick eyebrows, physically you were attracted to him. Being attracted to someone's physical isnt superficial... thats reality.

Sorry, but unfortunate looking dudes start out in the JustFriendsZone until we speak enough to raise that deficit. Then will i find out that he's charming, has a great sense of humor etc...



You guys know that my theories are mostly full of shit with a bit of truth and no concrete evidence to back it up....

Alovelydai said...

I have to agree w/ you Kkaki. I dated a not so nice looking guy b/c he was smart as hell, funny as hell, always fresh & smelled really yummy...but I just wasn't attracted to dude for nothing. Lasted about as long as a NBC show.

Eyes on the prize said...

Does this apply to black dudes that date busted, outta shape white chicks? That's a phenom that I'm still trying to figure out.

AusteRity9 said...

I agree with this for the most part. But I do think it is possible for somebody to date someone unattractive...Personality goes a long way. The hard part is actually giving them the chance to find out about their personality lol. Like Eyes on the Prize said I don't get the out of shape white chick phenom either lol

Your posts are always entertaining and funny....u should check out my page amberttblogspot.com

eaglebird said...

Okay I feel you on your lil theory at least 90% of it,that explains why Flav,Rayj and the rest of the "reality" love shows had all them women going crazy over them,you need to write a book to get people like me and your cousin to get hip to these Khaki laws of attractions!

AtruHollywood said...

Is your cousin a virgin?? Random I know but in my experience all my "saving myself for marriage" friends are often tightly wound and have NO sense of Reality! There is almost always a motive. JayZ probabl,y had little to NO play until he found money!! TI was not TI when he got with Tiny and im sure some of her MONEY helped put him on... so of course he's (decided to only cheat on her ass w/hoopz instead of straight up leaving her and the kids) "loyal".

Personality definitely goes a long way BUT lets be real that doesn't come until you have already convinced yourself that the nice whip, the constant cash flow and the pretty necklace are enough to cancel out his face.

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Alee said...

I wish I could argue against this post but I can't. You are dead ass right about the Laws of attraction.

Chymere said...

all right. First of all, your definition of Law of Attraction is way off, apparently. The Law of Attraction by definition is a scientific and quantum physics theory about brainwaves and manifestation. Did you research that part at all...and I ask because speaking on a subject that has resources solely based on opinion (without researching) is beyond ignorant. Secondly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty and the Beast was a stretch of course because it's a movie, meant to touch the big areas of a child's imagination. Just because someone isn't attractive to you has nothing to do with what someone else sees. All our perspectives are different. Sure there are some people who get easily turned on by power. But Beyonce and Jay-Z as a comparison???? How the hell can you even market them as an example when both of them were powerhouses when they met. And if Beyonce wanted to she could've met a man with more power so I don't think money had anything to do with it. AND you even went as far as to posting a RUMOR just like every other blogger about T.I. and Hoopz when no one knows the real story of that. No offense to you but I'm sure you've dated someone who thought you were the prettiest girl in the world but his friends thought otherwise.

So my thing is...it's cool to have opinions but see the whole picture, do some research before you decide to post.

khaki la'docker said...

@ Chymere: By all means, please do tell me how you really feel.
Normally, I dont even address folks that call me ignorant but because you actually took the time to research the scientific Law of Attraction, i find it necessary to take time out of my day to personally respond to you. Yes, i am aware of the scientifical theory that thoughts influence chance. I am also very aware that there are Human Laws of Attraction... i'll hold while you google that.....

Got it? Now that we have that cleared up we can move on. I never said that my theory was, in fact, a law. As a matter of fact- i called it Khaki's Laws of Attraction. Play of words? of course. For creative expression, I tend to do that from time to time. To say that I didnt research and not doing so is beyond ignorant because I have an opinion on human attraction is asinine. If you took the time to research what attracts humans to one another- both scientifical studies and human opinion such as previous commenters, would tell you that personality will come after physical attraction. Just as I said before- my theories are based on opinion, little truth and no concrete evidence. You say thats ignorant, why? Is it because I take personal experience and make my own conclusions and assesments? I guess i can live with that.

Using Jay-Z and Beyonce was an example simply because a lot of people find Jay-Z unattractive while his wife has been on the most beautiful women list more than I care to look up.

You, just like myself and the rest of the world, are entitled to your opinion but coming to my crib (blog) and calling me ignorant because you dont agree or assuming that I didnt do my research is disrespectful. You dont have to agree with me but check your resources before you call me something that I am not and take my posts for what they are... my opinion.

I dont make apologies for who i am or what i believe but I will apologize for getting your blog pressure up over what I said.

eaglebird said...

-peeks in to see what's going on out here in the blog community?-Ladies,Ladies calm down it's not that serious..*as I slide both of you babyoil and bikini tops*.

khaki la'docker said...

@eaglebird- stop instigating LOL
You know I dont even do the red meat so no blog beef over here. Im sure Chymere's a real sweetheart who's just as opinionated as I am, which is admirable, but there's a way to offer criticism or state a view of disagreement.

@Atruhollywood--- Yup, those walls have never been touched. Im proud of her though. No penis for 25 years and she still has her sanity... or something like it.

@Eyesontheprize--- Im not sure about that phenom... i assume that may be the Law of Slim Thug?!?!? i'm sure Rock knows


ohhhh hooonnneeeyyy- the readers would like input on unattractive gelatenous white women with fine black men, please...

Krissy said...

Nah I don't think we're related lol but if your cousin thinks like me she's a freaking Genius! lmao

Like I stated in my comment, something physical does attract people. It could be his pinky toe but it has to be something. My point is, people are so superficial that they let the good ones pass them by because his looks aren't on this man list they made for themselves. It's stupid and well. . . it's just stupid lol.

There are so many trife people in the world that your law of attraction is valid, but, just not for me.

Show said...

Get the Vaseline. Pause. I'll help move the furniture.

Khack Vs. Chymere.

Winner gets a threesome with Jay-z and Tiny while Biz Markee Beatboxes and Flavor Flav Referees.

You guys are silly. The only known scientific fact in this post is that Jay Z is OOOOOgly.

Chymere said...

And possibly I misread your word play but even human laws of attraction are this same as the theories of physics. I didn't have to google what was stated for one I've studied advanced physics in hs and in college. Just as well I've read The Secret in it's completion. Secondly, I never made a judgment on your character by calling you ignorant. I said what you were doing was ignorant. It wasn't on offensive terms at all...but maybe that word in my comment just stood out. You don't have to apologize. Your blog. But you did ask for opinions...you recieved one RAW, with evidence as I so like to do.

Chill, breathe. It's a conversation, despite how I came off. And by the way, I don't argue with ignorant people because I feel like it belittles my intelligence. This back and forth is a corky compliment in a sense. Don't take offense to it.

khaki la'docker said...

@chymere.... I guess there's no point in debating the complexity of human attraction as no 1 has quite figured it out.... so....... yeah. :\

Kudos to reading The Secret tho... couldn't bring myself to finish it and had a chinese dude write my paper.

Eyes on the prize said...

I guess Erykah Badu would say....
"I'm a blogger, and I'm sensitive about my shyt!"

It's getting hot over here in Khaki's World, but at least y'all are keeping it classy? :)

Miss Snarky Pants said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one Khaki!



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Kingsmomma said...

superduper late but

"beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
That's just something ugly people say <--Copyright Jim Carey Liar Liar

Kingsmomma said...

I'm also mad b/c i completely remember writing a full on essay as a comment to this which somehow didn't make it up here.
damn attention span

jetaraspeaks.com said...

This post was dead on. I agree with both you and your cousin. Some do look inside first but most look at what can be done for them.

jetaraspeaks.com said...

This post was dead on. I agree with both you and your cousin. Some do look inside first but most look at what can be done for them.

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