Khaki La'Hansen

While most of you sinners are spending your nights boo loving (borderline hating), clubbing or hanging out doing grown up shit, yours truly is up prowling the worldwide web for teenage panty sniffers and statutory rapists. Explanation needed? OK...

I'm a superhero... a cape crusader stomping out statutory rapists and perverts one penis at a time... ok- im just bullshitting... well, not really... i dont wear a cape but I've got a cool theme song to the tune of Ghostbusters.


Anyhooo -I get bored... often and I'm also heavily influenced by shit I see on TV. Not a good combo.I watch shows on TV and tell myself "Khaki, you could do that". Most times I cant. There was the time I called myself dissecting a chicken then forgot about it and woke up the next morning with my whole house smelling like a Chinese whore. Then there was the time I tried to back it up like the video hoes... but yall remember how that played out.


Anyway, one lonely ass night a few months ago, i'm watching something on CNN about some woman catching her husband prowling for teenage snackboxes (ahem: coochie) and i got the brilliant idea :pops collar: to do the same thing. I convinced myself that I could tackle online predators by setting up dudes attempting to stat rape like I was Chris Hansen.

Then I realized that portraying a 12 year old being hit on by a 30 year old was just sick and so not my cup of tea... but my idea was still brilliant and the ultimate solution to cure my Friday night boredom. At that moment, I decided to play a 16 year old girl minding my own business...


Whores and Whorettes, let me introduce you to.... Breeziminaj12- a naive 16 year old black girl from Baltimore that watches 106&park and sp3llz errythang l!k3 d!s . She rocks Pastry's and jeggings and guess who her idol is???? Wait for it... Wait for it... Nicki Minaj.

I cant show breezi's picture because, well, they're my cousin's and I need to use them again for future penis pounding so we'll use my favorite representation of a young black teenage girl.... Ms. Precious Jones.


Say "Hi" Precious...

Precious says Hi.


Now, I've had other identities... there was sexcilexi -the barefoot chubby faced white girl, Azianiis -a little Asian sophomore from Towson MD for the small penised man, and 00xBKangel - a snappy latina that stays home while her mother works 11 jobs. All of them 16... which, in my opinion, is old enough to make up their minds if they're going to participate in sexual activity or not yet young enough to prosecute ole man Charlie if he tries to penetrate.

let the games begin....
Blackplanet, 8/6/2010 10:13 PM

hudmodel: hey sweety
hudmodel: howru?
breeziminaj12: h! :) im fin3, how r u?
hudmodel im good- what you getting into tonight?
breeziminaj12: nuffin. My frenz are all out and Im stuck in da house.
breeziminaj12: on a friday sux :(
hudmodel: yea dats not cool.
breeziminaj12: I kno right
hudmodel07: well my name is dre, urz?
breeziminaj12: Iris
hudmodel: Iris your to pretty to be in da house by urself. u dont have a boyfriend?
hudmodel: and btw ur picz are
hudmodel: hot
breeziminaj12 thnks :) no boyfriend
breeziminaj12: u dnt look 2 bad urself
hudmodel: well thank you pretty lady. I do a little bit of modeling- gotta look good so i can make this paper to take care of you
breeziminaj12: tak3 care of me how?
hudmodel: ya kno- take you places, buy you the things that a gorgus woman like you should have
hudmodel: i can take care of you other ways but u not ready for that lol
breeziminaj12: lol u say that now
hudmodel: im serius
hudmodel: what do you like to do?
breeziminaj12: regla stuff... shoppin goin out wit my frenz goin out 2 eat
hudmodel: we can do that together
breeziminaj12: where do you live?
hudmodel: over west- near scutity
hudmodel: *security
breeziminaj12: i kno where dat iz- i stay ova east. near morgan
breeziminaj12: jst luked at ur profile again- ur 25?
hudmodel: damn you just looked at mine?
hudmodel: just look at pics then bounce huh?
hudmodel: i c how you are pretty lady
breeziminaj12: not at all
breeziminaj12: u dnt luk ur age
hudmodel: oic- u dnt either tho. does my age bother you
hudmodel: ?
breeziminaj12: nt at all. does mine bother u
hudmodel: nah, i can tell ur mature for your age and dats all that really matters

blah blah blah, how many brothers and sisters you got? blah, what school you go to blah blah blah

hudmodel: can you get out of the house or can you have company?
breeziminaj12: um i can get out of the house as long as im in the house by 7 when my grandmother gets off
breeziminaj12: wut do u wnt 2 do?
hudmodel: just chill
hudmodel: watch a movie
hudmodel: possibly fuck or eat your pussy
breeziminaj12: wow! gud thing im nt a virgin or nething
breeziminaj12: i couldve been insulted
hudmodel: bae im just telling you how i feel. grown man shit feel me?
breeziminaj12: i can respect that
hudmodel: so you coming to see me?
breeziminaj12: i can... r u cumin 2 get me
hudmodel: yeah in like an hour or so but i may not be able to get you back home.
hudmodel: i can give you hack or cab money tho
breeziminaj12: K
hudmodel: so whats your address and phone number?
hudmodel: text me ur info and ill be there in 45
breeziminaj12: ok, im bout to save your life
hudmodel: ????
breezieminaj12: you know that show "to catch a predator"? That show where Dateline or whoever sets up some silly dude by inviting him to a young girls house to get ass?
hudmodel: nah bt whut do u mean?
breeziminaj12: you couldve been on that show. you couldve shown up with yo dick halfway on the hard and been tackled by undercover police officers that monitored this whole conversation.
hudmodel: what?
breeziminaj12: :sigh: in retard terms- pls read carefully
breeziminaj12: I.am.not.16- i just play one on the internet ;) .... I work for Blackplanet's taskforce team for online sexual predators. We're like the pussy police so to speak and you, mr hudmodel, was 45 minutes from attempting to have sex with a minor... which is against the law and a violation of our website terms of usage. I would like to kindly remind you to think about your actions before attempting to communicate with a minor again. Your account is also being suspended indefinitely.
hudmodel: wtf? r u joking?
breeziminaj12: No, sir, not joking at all.


hudmodel has logged off

I go back to find him a few minutes later and, just like the ones before him, the account was closed and he no longer existed....

Now, I'm trying to decide if I should put a disclaimer on this post because I've had some readers take the things that i say the wrong way, call me ignorant and insensitive and... well, i just decided that i still gives not a fuck.