Hoe-lloween.. Part 3. Finale

I'm done with Halloween. The days of trick and treating are over... dressing up and going to the club surrounded by slutty police and sexy cheetahs are over. I cant.... From now on, I'll just take my kid out and finish the night out with a glass of wine and Nightmare on Elm Street marathons.

My Halloween started on Friday night as I celebrated with my home girls at Love for D's birthday. It was kinda dead but I still enjoyed myself. Friday was just an appetizer for the bullshit that was gonna occur on Saturday.

I have never seen so many hunch back, square back women with exposed skin in my life. Please have some class about yo shit! Using Halloween as an excuse to be naked is not where it's at and most of the "sexy" i saw was not. The creativity that Halloween used to bring out is no longer there. I saw too much of the same shit. I would need 100 hands to count the sexy race car drivers, Ghostbusters, french maids, Strawberry Shortcake, Alice, Batman and Michael Jackson costumes that were swag surfing.

So- ya girl went dressed as Cleopatra. i know, I know... I was supposed to be Poison Ivy but... that didn't work out. Anyway, on Saturday I had a blast grinding on Sunshinestar at Lux Lounge on Saturday. Oh, how I love thee sunshinestar for her wittiness and ability to give the stank eye simultaneously to four people at once. LMAO

I had fun but I realize that my clubbing days are slowing dwindling down and I can no longer fuck with the club scene on Halloween. Was I entertained by the anomalies, random drunk white girls, the fight that almost started because some chick didn't want to dance and the fight that did happen between two drunk fools? Yes, however, it was just too much cooning and stankocity for my po lil virgin soul. *sigh*

Halloween at the club is a damn set up. Too many masks and painted up faces that can cause further confusion with an already liquored up state of mind. I know it was hella men that thought they were hooking up with Beauty and ended up with a Shrek-faced Beast. If I did drink I wouldn't have drunk on Halloween for fear that I would end up with something from Gremlins.

Anyway, for the high-lights...

*Dude dressed as Julius Cesar... dude body was on point and just like I said on Twitter that night "I woulda fucked him and yelled 'Spaaaarrrrtaaaan". Then again- probably not. Too many crunch bar dicks in DC for me.

* There was this dude (and sunshinestar has pics to prove) that was dancing so fucking hard I thought he was having an epileptic seizure. Not only was he making these weird faces but his grinding was so off beat. I must've laughed at his happy ass for at least 15 minutes straight.

*Me and sunshine almost got trampled by these 3 big girls with killer dance moves. I wish you all could see how we were smushed in the corner as these bigback chicks got their eagle on. I'm happy they were getting there cardio in an' shit but I almost lost a fucking eye.

Khaki's Halloween Awards

Not that my opinion matters or anything... Hold up, its my blog so my opinion does matter. Here are my awards for the night.

Weirdest, you crazy mufucka costume: Guy dressed as Hannibal Lector who coulda got some if he wasn't so in character. UGH- ole fool was just standing in the middle of the floor looking like he was bat shit crazy. Yes, i woulda let him cannibal me... freak? sorry, something about crazy men drives my nuts. LOL...

Another one? costume: Hands down... the sexy police officer. That shit is sooooo played. Try again.

A for Effort- The Jabowokeez at Love

What are you s'posed to be again costume? male (Lux): Ole boy with the flannel shirt that couldn't stay away from my boo gets the side eye for wearing that Ice Cube in Friday flannel. Deebo, please try again.

What are you s'posed to be again costume? female (Lux) complete with caveman wig, turkey feathered bikini, barefoot, with gold bangles I'm still confused as to who this nappy headed bombshell was supposed to be... It's a toss up between a ghetto turkey and the African dancer from Coming to America.

Attention Whore female (Lux): Shorty dressed with the big ass head piece that kept hitting folks in the eye. I see you and I knew somebody was itching to slap that shit off of yo head.

Attention Whore female (Love): Strawberry Shortcake on 3rd floor that was grinding and booty clapping on everyone from Wolverine to Rainbow Brite.

Attention Whore male (Lux): Fine as silk Mr. 300 himself with his muscles and greek sandals was looking de-fucking-licious. However, the fact that he kept letting hoes touch him made me think that he was all about attention. For the record, I still would have been his Cleopatra.

Attention Whore male (Love): Michael Myers kept that hot ass mask on all night and made sure everyone saw him and that baggy ass Dickie jumpsuit all night.

Best costume male (Lux)- MC Hammer. He had the fade with the parts, shimmery pants and big shoulder'd bolero an' erethang. He was the most creative and i saw no one dressed like him

Best costume male (Love) - white dude dressed as Prince. Pure hilarity. I wanted to ask if he had pancakes so bad.

Best costume female- I would have to give it to the bull-fighter chick I saw at Lux and Pebbles at Lux

hmmm... I guess that's about it... or all I care to say at this time. LOL

How was your Halloween?

Ciroc is The Devil's Semen

So- uhm i thought I was going to do a blog about the whole weekend with the girls but I'm not. Epitome is coming back next weekend so maybe then.

I will say give you the 5 tidbits

1. I have vowed to never drink again. Friday night's events are a complete blur because I decided to drink Jack... then chase that with 5 cups of Ciroc and something on an empty stomach. I remember throwing up and being repeatedly threatened by Sunshinestar to get slapped. Ciroc is the devils semen I don't want no parts of it anymore.

2. I don't know why "botany" was apart of my drunken rant but... like I said before- Ciroc is the devil's semen.

3. I will NEVER have the Agent pick me up while I'm drunk or hungover again. NEVER! I'd rather skateboard home.

4. Pepto Bismol does not work for hangovers and the tablets will give you a black tongue causing you to spazz the fuck out the next morning. No bullshit- read the warning label on the box. My tongue looked like moss was growing on it.

5. Sunshinestar and Epitome are the best folks ever!

That French Shit...

Standing in line waiting to purchase a few items at Wal-Mart, I took notice of a woman in her mid 20's with a cart full of feminine hygiene products. I mean... the cart had some of that french shit (dou 'che), Summer's Eve powder, FDS spray, some Norforms... etc. I started to question how someone's sippy cup could be so stank that they would raid the feminine aisle of Wal-Mart at 4pm on a Sunday and load up on everything pussy related? As I got closer to the woman, the smell of something related to Nemo took over all my senses... my eyes started to water, I swear I was hearing "under the sea", the smell even overcame my sense of taste and I then began to question if i'd just ate a ghetto fried fish sandwich with extra tartar sauce.

I look at the cart... I look at the woman. I look at the Monistat... I look at the woman with her black leggings on and off the hanger shoes and came to the realization...

That shorty was living foul!

Chick, you a grown ass woman and you don't know that all of that will mess up yo PH balance. Do you not know that if yo sammich smell like sewer sludge that you should make a trip to the gyno? Sad part of this whole thing is there are men busting that puddy up on the regular and they could be busting other puddy up on the regular too spreading all types of sludge to the masses.

I swear I cant stand the stench of 3 day old pussy. I shouldn't be able to smell yo Kit Kat through yo jeans... and covering it up with Funky Dirty Snapper spray is not helping yo situation at all. You maximizing yo odor with that shit... flowery fish is a no, no. Put some Old Bay on that crabby patty and stop fucking up the ozone layer.

Rant over.

So i'm back and shit...

Didja miss me?!?!?!?

I missted yall... i checked on a few of my folks and it looks like the Lioness got her a new boo, Jskittle having revelations and shit, SimoneDior and her adventures of trollopfication, Gia living the life... me? I went to Aldi's and I fucking hate that store.

So, my ex decided that he wanted spaghetti for his Fathers Day present. Nothing spectacular just some spaghetti. Its been a long time since Ive cooked a meal so I sent out a text to my buddies inviting them over. I ended up getting 8 replies telling me that they were coming over for dinner. On my way to the supermarket, I'm calculating how much this shit is going to got me to make for over 10 people so, me being a bitch on a budget, busted a right into the Aldi's parking lot. Don't judge me.

Now- I'm all for saving money but no-frills shopping at Aldi's is not something that i will do again.

First of all, there was a homeless man (or at least i thought he was homeless) outside singing Blame It and doing something like the stanky leg or the robocop of something. So after scurrying past him with my head down, I walk to the front of the store to get a cart and it was chained to a bunch of other charts! What the fuck?!?!?!? I have to pay 25 cents to get a fucking cart! I'm justa digging through my bag to find a quarter because they wont take a combination of coins to make up 25 cents... just quarters- refundable upon your return of the cart. Question: Why even charge for a cart? If I wanted to take a cart to carry cans, children or whatever it is that people who need to steal carts use it for, would 25 cents really prevent me from taking it? Right.

I enter the store and there's coonery all around me... some lady telling her son to not speak to her because his breath smells like he has a "rodden toof" and another chick eating strawberries out of the container while she shops. At this point, I just wanted to get my sauce, noodles, cream cheese and meat and bounce. I get my ingredients and head to check out where the lady ringing up my shit acts like I'm moving to slow for her. She's slamming money down... keying shit into the register like she speedy gonzales and while I'm getting my money out she decides that she wants to run and get bags. Bags that you have to pay for.

This is why I don't fuck with Save-A-Lot and Aldi ... paying for bags, why for? Chick in front of me had over a hundred dollars of shit in her cart and but refused to buy bags. Instead, she put her shit in boxes she found around the store and when sheran out of them she said "fuck it" and carried her shit to her trunk.

I pay for my 18.00 of food and got in my car so damn quick vowing to never buy another Romano's spaghetti sauce or Mountain Twist soda again in my life --- but after I returned that cart and got my quarter!

moving on...

Have A Great Weekend Folks!

Imma chill this weekend... do the family thing on Sunday... then off to NYC on Monday for the Beyonce concert (I won the tickets... what can I say?).

I probably wont post until Tuesday unless something spectacular happens this weekend but I will be checking on yall.

Look out for my post on head next week and thanks to all that participated in my lil questionnaire.

dats all folks!

ms. bee-- dont know if you saw my comment but I dont have a twitter. You can hit me up on AIM though.... khakibeauty