I wasn’t going to write today but after reading one of my guilty pleasures' post on quitting bitches with kids, I felt compelled to write about the very same topic.
Today, I read one of the most... blunt, stereotypical and borderline ignorant opinions on women with children that I have ever read in my life. While some things made me giggle and I always admire honest opinions, the post still irritated the hell out of me. You hear of men and women not wanting to date someone with children for fear of baby daddy/baby mama drama all the time so that doesn’t surprise me especially since, in a lot of cases, that seems to be the norm.
The two other reasons had me saying "hmmm, this muthafucka is either an idiot or trying the shock jock shit to get hits" and led me to this question: Are there really men that won’t date women with children because (1) most women with children "aint shit" and (2) because the child is a constant reminder of previous sex without prophylactics?
I’m really sitting here wondering if my son, who means more to me than any man, is a red flag or a negative indication that I am an "aint shit bitch" that should be avoided. Do men look at my kid and say “she must be a ho” or “I like her but every time I see lil nigga I see her sexin some dude raw”?
Again, I recognize that some people are going to see having a baby daddy/mama as unavoidable drama and I would never date a guy that was a terrible father to his own kids BUT I can’t say that I would look at any man or woman as someone's leftovers or damaged goods simply because they have a child. You look at someone’s kid and only see them as a creation of unprotected sex??? Nigga, please.
In a country plagued by high divorce rates, teenage pregnancy and an immeasurable amount of children born out of wedlock, I find it very difficult to place a stereotype on, what seems to be, most of the women in America. I, unlike most of my friends, grew up in a two parent household where we all shared the same mother and father. My parents were married for almost 30 years and in the "hood" that was unheard of so I always got the "damn, yall all got the same daddy?" question from kids in school. I’d meet guys in college that would tell you outright that they would not wife a girl with kids or would have some immature outlook on a woman with children. Ironically, the same men that deemed women with children as hoes or sluts were the same ones, at graduation, thanking their mother for single handedly raising them to be the men that they were today.
After my son's father and I called off our engagement and decided to part ways after a 4 year relationship, I was fucked up inside. The normally happy and confident Khaki morphed into a depressed and insecure version of me. I felt that no one would want me... I felt unattractive and, most of all, I was upset with myself for becoming a 'statistic'. I knew that there would be a lot of narrow-minded men that would overlook who I was as a person once they found out I had a son. That troubled me for a while until I met someone that told me this: There is nothing else more attractive than a woman that can balance a home, career and motherhood on her own. That statement changed me and its something that I will always remember.
I don’t believe that most women that have children "aint shit". There are many successful, cultured, intelligent, beautiful women that work and take care of their children without a man in the household. I admire single mothers and single fathers and I do not pass judgment or make asinine assumptions about them either. I respect any man that could find that much love in his heart to not only love and accept a woman’s child but also become a father figure to that child. Unfortunately, yes, there are a lot of fucked up baby mama/baby daddy situations out there but not everyone lives under such circumstances. My past relationships and my son are apart of me and has contributed to the woman that I am today but they are not the sole meaning of who I am as a woman.
I can not change anyone’s views and I don’t try to. Any man that would overlook my character and not want to date me because of my child wouldn’t pass my list of requirements anyway so a fuck I do not and would not give. I respect preference and detest ignorance.
Please speak on it....
Let me add: I still like Nappyheaded Bros... all of em... even the one that wrote the post Taka Flacka Flame <--- yes, still homo.
I'M GROWN YET I'M INDECISIVE AS HELLLLLLLLL
10 years ago
