So my sister, Dani, hit me up this morning at 7:50something in the morning with the "GUUURRRRLLLL". Now... normally that means that she got some and it was good. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.
Dani and Noodle used to be in a friendlationship back in high school.Things didn't work out and they went their separate ways and hadnt seen each other for years. They eventually ended up running into each other a couple of weeks ago and have been talking and texting ever since. Noodle has feelings for her and she likes him but wants to wait out on taking it to the relationship level because of other "complications".
Fast forward to last night... Noodle came over to her crib. Not a big thing because he's been over there before and nothing sexual has happened. Dani had been out drinking before Noodle came over. So, Dani's in fetal position trying to get her snooze on and Noodle takes it upon himself to start trying to put the moves on her. Dani, in her inebriated state, begins to give in... things start to happen but.... don't because Noodle is just that! A damn Noodle.
Nigga couldn't get it up.
See- Noodle fucked up. He should've made sure the equipment was working before he decided to pounce on my homie like that. He came up in the crib with mushy dick and tried to smash it in the hole talking bout "wait a minute... i can get it up". NO NIGGA! This is all wrong...
If I were a boy.... even just for a day.... I wouldn't try to fuck with a noodle... i would end up just giving her head....
Seriously... girls try to be understanding when you cant get it up but men shouldn't play themselves by trying to come up with excuses or trying to jam it in. Your dick isn't a mouse that can just smush itself into the tiniest of crevices. IT HAS TO BE HARD. Sex is 50/50. My shit gotta be wet and your shit gotta be HARD. There is no compromising on this one.
You cant be sitting there smashing my thigh putting all of your weight on my fucking hamstring while you beat off. Sorry, but no girl gets turned on by seeing a guy trying to caress a noodle dick in an attempt to make it semi hard. First of all... you look dumb as hell trying to give your dick a pep talk... and Second of all... you done ruined the fucking moment. A girl can't do but so much kissing and prolonging while you sit there and lie on your dick talking about "this has never happened before".
You're lying! It has happened before and it probably happens frequently so you should come prepared, drink an energy booster, or take a combo of Viagra and Wellbutrin. You and your dick should get to know each other and communicate about how you can work together to make sure you don't end up on somebody's blog being called Noodle. Not only did he waste perfectly good vagina juice but he didn't even try to make up for it. Dude didn't even spit on the cootie but wanted a time out of 30 minutes so he could get his thoughts together.
30 mintues! 30 minutes??!?!?
Things you can do in 30 minutes:
- Bake a cake
- watch an episode of Family Matters
- Go for a light jog
- Pop in an exercise tape.
You can not expect a woman to lie there... for thirty minutes...in her moisture and wait for you and your dick to come up with a plan. Uhn uhn not gonna happen.
Dani's too damn nice... she gave him another chance to get it together and he fucked up again. 4 maybe 5 minutes later after poor pumping... she said "Where are my clothes?" and got the fuck up. Me, on the other hand, wouldn't have been so nice because 1. you done wasted my coochie juice. 2. You came at me knowing you had a limpie and 3. you fucked up and didn't even try to make it better. He definitely would've gotten the "So, what you about to do?" while i gathered his shit to escort him out of my crib.
Dude was selfish, wasn't a multi-tasker and he wasn't prepared which makes him a BAD FUCKER! No more chances... Do not pass go... do not collect 200 hundred dollars... Take you and your liquid dick straight to jail.