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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Signs that You're Not The Only One...

Yup, imma ride this cheating/infidelity/boyfriend #2/jumpoff topic the fuck out! Everyone knows that I just found out that I was the silent investor in a partnership between a man and his wife. While some women know that they are in the middle of love triangle I did not. However, i had a feeling. There were clear cut signs. Signs that had me questioning  Some call it intuition. I call it common sense. Most are born with it... others acquire it through experience... some are just too damn dumb to recognize it.

So... whether you "just don't get it" or you lack the gift of common sense or you've never experienced being the side piece here are the signs.
Sign: You can only see him at weird ass hours of the day. If he can only hook up on Wednesdays between the hours of 11:20 and 1:15, he's probably working around his wifey's schedule.
Bust His Ass: Tell him that Wednesdays are no good and watch his stupid ass clam up. If he starts stuttering and shit he's probably hiding something and you should just move the fuck on.
Sign: His cell phone is ALWAYS on vibrate. Everyone likes ring tones. Even my grandmother has "Never Would've Made IT" as her ringtone and call tone so don't buy that "I hate the sound of ringers" bull shit.
Bust His Ass: Tell him that you wont date him unless his phone is always set to "High" volume. A pussy ass nigga wouldn't take the chance but if he's bold and he likes you enough to take he risk, he'll do it but know that his girl will call him- eventually. So, when you hear "I'm a movement by myself... but I'm a force when we're together" or "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." (shit, you never know - he might be "one of those"), its not his sister or his homeboy. Dump him.
Sign: 25 with a Caravan? Where they do that at? To some extent I believe you are what you drive. Big bitches drive big cars like Taurus'. Tall niggas drive tall cars like Denalis. White people drive Volkswagons ( So that doesn't make sense but its true). Men with families buy crossover vehicles and mini vans.
 
Another Tip: If he has hella R & B CD's in his car that may be another sign that a woman drives that car. Men don't listen to Jaheim.
Bust His Ass:You can do two things... 1st. Check his registration. If its a female's name and the last name is the same as his it might be his wife's. If the last name is different, it's probably his girls. He might even tell you it's under his moms name and then that's when you... 2nd write your name and number on a piece of paper and slip it into the console when he's not looking. If it's a chicks car, she will definitely be calling.
Sign:The only number you have for him is a cell number. I don't have a house phone because I steal my cable now and I have no need for the phone/internet/cable package AND I'm never home. If he has a rather large home and you know he has cable and Internet, more than likely he has a house phone.
Bust His Ass: Look up his phone number online and call him. It may be unlisted but if you're willing to spend, there are websites that will give you the info for a small fee.
Sign: You can NEVER go into his house. If he always want to come and visit you or there's always an excuse why you cant come over, he's probably living with his wife/girlfriend. His carpet is not wet. Exterminator didn't just leave and if he tried to Prince Akeem (Coming to America) you with the "There's a rat! A very large rat!", tell him to sell that shit to someone else.
Bust His Ass: If you know his address, "stop by" or send him a letter. If you send a letter, make sure the recipient knows that its coming from a woman. Spray it with perfume. Write "Thinking of You" of the tab. Anything to get her attention! Women don't care about opening someone else's mail and breaking the law.
Sign: He can never spend the night or leaves in the middle of the night. No one likes to wake up from a sexually induced slumber at 2am to go anywhere. Additionally, if he makes it his business to wash his ass and put on the same shit he left in, he's trying to hide the pussy scent.
Bust His Ass: Hide his keys so he has to stay and watch how his behavior changes. The once attentive and confident man will switch into bitch mode and suddenly act like a child that knows he's going to get his ass whooped when he gets home.

Other Signs
  • When you go out, it's never near his home. Driving 45 minutes to the movie theater isn't because the popcorn is better, his ass doesn't want to run into anyone that he may know.
  • You've never been invited to any family functions and you've been dating him for months. Nope, its not because his family is embarrassing he just knows that his moms will snitch on him and ask "Who's this? Where's Vanessa?".
  • Special holidays are reserved for wifey. You gets no dates on Valentine's Day and you will not be eating his mom's famous Mac n Cheese. He'll send you roses and tell you that he'll make up for it later.
  • Dude is always at work but crying broke. Could be because he's spending his money taking care of his family or he's using the work excuse to avoid seeing you.
  • He has a mark on his ring finger.
  • You've only met a "few" of his friends... the friends that will lie for him.
  • He gets upset when you question if he's married or has a girlfriend. He'll probably get defensive and then try to change the subject.
  • When asked about his ex's or past relationships, his timeline makes no sense. Ya'll broke up last year?? Why do you have her picture in your car? Right. If he has her name tatted on his body, it was damn serious and you should get the whole scoop about the break up.
  • He always initiates the dates and meetings. If he always has an excuse when you want to see him, he's probably hiding something.
  • When at home, he can never talk because "he gets no service" but his text messages go through. Fucker is lying!
  • If you have to question everything he says or you just have that "feeling" ... HE'S PROBABLY LYING

3 comments:

♥Porscha said...

lol loooooove this list hon haha ima keep these in mind forrreal

Kiwi™ said...

Your list is pretty true.

My boyfriend be getting his ass in trouble though with the phone. He doesnt have it on vibrate, but it rings and he turns it on silent or reject the call.

I be like who is the bish? Because he always answer it for a guy...My boyfriend tell me who the bish is and its usually some thirsty hoe who will not leave my man alone.

One day Imma just answer the phone and polietely tell her jump-off ass that she is one and direct her to your blog to read this list! LMAO

StarrBURST! said...

This list is so damn on point! Good job!

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