Thursday, April 22, 2010

"Bitch, please!" of the week award goes to...

I fell victim to another reality television show- What Chilli Wants. Yup, another VH1 production following a pseudo celebrity looking for love. How original?

This time the seeker of love is TLC member Chilli. Now, this isn't the typical elimination type of dating show a la Love of Ray J or Flava of Love where someone gets booted off weekly and then the lucky "winner" ends us with gold front or some other coon shit. This one is like a breath of fresh air... okay, that may be pushing it... but the show is different. What Chilli Wants actually focuses on... well, what Chilli wants. Kudos to Vh1 for the creative title. :rolls eyes:

So, the show starts off with Chilli describing what she wants in a man to her dating/love coach Tionna Smalls. After hearing the 14th requirement, I'm looking at Chilli like she has 9 titties and Naomi Campbell's edgeless hairline. She tells her coach that he has to be finer than Denzel, intelligent, cant drink, cant smoke, cant eat pork, blah, blah, blah and the most important and agreeable part- have a big dick.

As someone that refuses to settle and has a list of my own, I understand where she's coming from; however, I also have to question whether these "requirements" are realistic expectations.

Is it really possible to meet a man that has the perfect body, perfect teeth, perfect hair, perfect dick, and perfect mind??? Does that man even exist?

I don't believe for one second that he does exist and I think Chilli- along with millions of other women- have set the bar so damn high that even the President of the US couldn't reach it. Again, no woman should settle for a man that isn't up to her standards BUT shouldn't women question if it's really fair to themselves to miss out on what could possibly be the perfect man for them just because his taste buds desire the rank taste of pig ears?

Unless you have an extreme phobia for pink meat, i would say that a smothered pig ass shouldn't outweigh a respectful, god-fearing, charming and intelligent man.

Women and men should have standards and shouldn't compromise on the characteristics that makes someone a good person or mate. Know whats really important to you in a relationship and focus on qualities instead of the materialistic and vain characteristics that you think are going to make you happy. Wealthy with good hair does not equal good husband not now or ever.

Standards and expectations should align with what you're bringing to the table. You want Denzel? You better not look like Precious! Six pack is a must? That's fine, but your gut shouldn't have any hang time. Big dick must equal good pussy with elastic walls. Asking for a man with money and a Master's when you owe everyone from Rainbow to Capital One and barely have your cosmetology certificate is not going to work.

The point to all of this is simple- How do you know what will make the perfect man if you've never met the perfect man? There isnt a man or woman in the world that can measure up to unrealistic standards. You don't have to agree or even like what I said just watch the show and see how far the woman who has been single for 7 years gets with her list. My money is on her ending up with nobody or Floyd Mayweather- who doesn't drink, smoke or eat pork but couldn't beat Denzel in the looks department if he was offered a belt.

So, folks, do you have a list? What's on it? Are you willing to compromise at all? Does compromise = settling? Thoughts?


Anonymous said...

'perfect body, perfect teeth, perfect hair, perfect dick, and perfect mind'

That man exists. The problem is he likes dick too.

Kingsmomma said...

LMFAO at Birdie

I have a list but its more of a general area with lists of definite nots. I most definitely won't settle for less than i deserve.
I haven't watched her show but since she is 30 something woth no prospects on teh horizon i'm inclined to think that list aint working for her.
...and if usher fit that list she definitely needs to hit the drawing board. or get a dildo

Epiphany said...

I don't really have a list, I just prefer some characteristics in a man. But if I were to have a list, I don't expect everything to be checked off. As long as he has the top important things I like, then the rest shouldn't matter.

Alovelydai said...

LMAO @ Birdie

Damn crazysexycool...that chick is pickyprissybougie!

RoByn LaTice said...

Lol @ Birdie..too funny.

"How do you know what will make the perfect man if you've never met the perfect man?"

EXACTLY! I dont think compromising is settling as long as you dont throw EVERY thing out...a little compromise goes a long way...bc as much as we want to believe, we are not "the perfect" woman either. So it will be compromising on both parts!

Rock said...

For the first time I think I only sort of agree with you wifey la'knockers.

Fuck a list. I've tried that time and time again. Sometimes you have to get outside of your comfort zone. Me for instance, I used to be an ass man (PAUSE!!!), then I tried titties....and LOVED THEM!! Ok, bad analogy.

Moral of the story is, no one truly knows what's good or bad for them until they wake up with scabs on their junk or a milk of magnesia looking discharge comming from their fun box. OK, another bad analogy.

OK, here we go. Do you like Sushi?

If you do, I'd be willing to be $100,000 dollars that I dont have, that I can guess why you like it...

...Because you've tried it.

-Rocka La'Docker

Love me for my beautiful mind, white teeth and gangsta physique. LOL.

Epitome said...

Her list is...I mean...I don't know what the whole list is, the few I heard (cause I didn't watch the whole show) were okay for her I guess (she's athletic so wanting the same thing, I understand, she's muslim, so no pork, I understand, etc) yeah but the dick size...uh okay Chilli, slow ya roll boo. I believe in requiring nothing short of what I have myself in a mate (as you stated) but wants are optional...what happened to the days of going based off how somebody made you feel instead of what they could offer

Frankie said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIRDIE hahaha so on point

My list: he must have my mamas approval!

nah, but it really helps.

Anonymous said...

I don't really have a list or requirements but I do know that I don't settle. I just want someone I'm happy with. That's always the biggest thing for me. If he can make me happy then things usually fall into place.

Eyes on the prize said...

Oh this post rocked it! Damn gurl! Applause! Applause!

I've been real open minded and met some 'nice' ones but not the 'right' ones. My strategy now is to put myself in better scenarios and situations. Laws let's hope it works!

Rock that sushi comment flew by me?

Cat Hill said...

YOU're Right! and I feel b4 u start lookin 4 MR. RIGHT U can atleast be Right wit urself first! and come on now her standards are funny especially when her babyfather is Dallas Austin...Denzel i think not!

khaki la'docker said...

@birdie- you know, i was thinking that when I wrote it. LOL...

@kingsmomma- When i watched the show... i was stitting there like "uhm, i dont think this list is working out for you".

@Rock- You have a list... and you have HIGH standards. Do you need to review the google-generated marriage license we signed? Dont go partially disagreeing with me so we can have make up sex. You dont even have to do all of that. P.S... your sushi example was exactly what I said. I still love you... and your "gangsta physique".

@Frankie- he has to love your mom... and rock LA GEARS!!!!!!

@Krissy- thats so sweet *wipes tear*

Traci Lavette said...

@ Birdie...hella funny!

I think the whole thing is a J.O.K.E. Not down playing her standards, but come on now. She wants Usher so she's trying to set standards that she knows no man can attain so she can be incognito behind that big ass "Come get me Ursher" wall.

For real though, I think they gonna have this big moment at the end where she is realizing that what she has been looking for has been "there" the whole time and in walks Floyd Mayweather.

But somebody's gonna have to fill me in because I won't be watching. They lost me on the first episode.

stephanie said...

i so agree. i think you have to go through relationships with people before you really know what is it you want, don't want and will or will not tolerate. that's something i'm just learning.

i always thought of my guy in terms of intelligence, substance and character but never the physical until i met a guy who has all three but i wasn't physically attracted to. then i found a guy who i was attracted to physically and he wasn't all he pretended to be.

so for now i'm chillin. trying to find myself and see me for me before i can even consider letting a guy in in that way.

thanks for the reminder.

& btw i really like your blog.

Kiaana08 said...

Ha. Ha. I knew your list reminded me of someone else besides myself and now I know who....Ms. Chilli. Lol. I haven't seen the show cuz I been busy with school, but I have seen clips of it and it does seem interesting. I'm gonna have to go online to watch some of the episodes that I missed.

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