Thoughts on the Freaking Deacon... or Bishop Eddie LongDong... or...

Let me preface this by stating that I know that I'm an ass. Not just the hole.... I'm the whole ass! A big ass... with spots... like Montana Fishburne.

Now that we have that out the way I'd like to give my glutanic (<--- not a word, is it? Where's C4?) view of the whole Eddie-Long-sucked-a-ding-dong shenanigans.

General thought: He did it. I was not in the room... in the city... state or anywhere near Mr. Long BUT I believe that he did it. I don't know if he really "lured" those young men with gifts of vehicles and trips to places like New Zealand- which , by the way is the gayest place in the world*- but my gaydar is blinking flaming red. The poses, the tights ass gym clothing, that hairline, those "curls", those... shall I go on? I'm willing to bet my whole collection of Garbage Pail Kids stickers that Eddie Long, with his glistening pubic haired toupee and all his sexual chocolatiness, exclamation point shaped body, in that tight ass Under Armour workout gear, slobbed them boys down like someone told him the cream filling would fill in that Flo-Rida hairline. I have no doubt that Eddie Long packed more fudge than Keebler. Bottom (pun intended) Line.

Let me finish-

I'm looking at a scandal unfold that involves a bishop of a mega church, money, homosexuality, and possible molestation and, just like every other instance that involves religious :ahem: black leaders, almost the whole congregation of 25,000 is fully supporting the accused.

While Bishop Long has not been convicted and these are only allegations, let's look at the some of the details so far:

• 2 young men alleged that Bishop Eddie Long offered money, expensive gifts, and vacations for sexual favors a.k.a pimping. Yes, you heard right! Eddie Long "allegedly" pimped young boys of his congregation.
• The same 2 young men also alleged that some of the advances took place during their teenage years
• a third man has come forward with the same allegations
• a fourth man has come forward with the same allegations
• and... Eddie Long has yet to deny any of these allegations

I'm sorry but if someone accused a known homophobic religious leader of being, well, a homosexual that touched minors and paid them for dome (that's oral sex for you that have education beyond the 11th grade), would you not expect that leader to stand up and say "Hey, i don't suck dick. I have never sucked dick and I will never suck a dick". Now, I'm not homophobic at all but I'd be damned if i allow someone to publicly accuse me of eating pink meat and not deny it.

Reporter: Is it true that you provided oral sex to a woman for money?

Khaki: Maam, the last time I've been close to any ones vagina was March 22, 1986 when I slid out of my mothers womb. She had to forcefully push me out of her vagina as, even as a baby, I refused to have my face near any woman's hotpocket. To answer your question: No, maam, there has never been any pussy grease near me since birth.

When the lawsuit first came to light, I laughed, said "damn, another freaking deacon" and kept it moving. It wasn't until I heard that some of the allegations took place when the young men were minors, that i put on my Khaki La'Hansen hat and started really reading into the fuckery. Being a faggoty (no offense) pastor and beating meat is one thing but luring in minors with video games n' shit is just inexcusable.

Had these been young women making these allegations, the story wouldve went in different direction- or, would it? Would the members of the New Birth Missionary (irony?) Church then blame the young women for jerking off their beloved bishop? Would the women be de-victimized and called home wreaking hoes? We live in a country where child molesters are the scum of the society. We have sexual offender registries, programs to help victims of sexual and child abuse, and shows like To Catch A Predator- but as soon as we find out that the accused is a man of the cloth, folks immediately start to claim "scandal" or "lies" as if predators can only be teachers with Justin Beiber haircuts and homeless men.

Hearing about Bishop Long reminds me why I've never had a strong religious background. Too often, I've seen people get so entangled in their belief in a higher power that they refuse to use common sense or focus on reality. I've seen these religious fanatics praise and put so much belief in a MAN, that they'll follow him even if he's done wrong. They can not fathom that their beloved pastor is a human being fully capable of making a mistake and :gasp: being GAY! Can gay people not love the lord or lead a church? That's right... being gay is a choice and if you choose to go against the Holy Bible then you cant really love the lord, or can you? I vote "Nonsense". There are plenty of gay people in the church- but that's another blog.

I've read some of his members say that "I know he wouldn't do a thing like that and I will continue to support him no matter what. The devil is a lie"

Soooo, you mean to tell me- that several people can make allegations this serious against a bishop and all he has to do is show up to his church rocking a beige Rush Hour 2 inspired suit and new toupee, say he's going to fight the allegations, claim this is an "attack" then put his microphone down like he's  Randy Watson and everyone is going to follow him through fire and brimstone like he's Jesus Christ III? That speech about being David vs Goliath?
My apologies if any of you are members of NBMC or if you have a pastor that likes to "lay hands" on the members of his congregation and you're offended by my thoughts BUT my advice to you is to follow your own beliefs and STOP PUTTING ALL OF YOUR FAITH IN A MAN.

My opinion is going to remain the same... So, what's yall's?

* I do not know the gay statistics of New Zealand and didnt even care to look them up but N.Z definitely sounds like the type of place you'd take someone if you didnt want anyone to know you were a minister knocking down boy backs.