Thursday, October 7, 2010

What you just say?

I dreamed about my post on lemons and had prepared myself to blog about it this lovely Thursday morning but, alas, the 'Lemons' post has been delayed.

As usual, I hop on blogger and I start reading some of my favs. I see that the hubby is talking shit about monkey suits and whatnot but I can’t read it because his blog is considered porn by my job. Then Dai is being all mushy an’ shit about love and growth and... just being Dai. Freckles and her sparkly dress and fancy ass cake is next. Finally, I read Ms. UglyCleanBroke87's blog and that damn post about lemons went right out the window.

You see, there takes a certain level of oomph for me to crank out an ill-mannered post about bullet holed women and after reading the last blog, the energy meter plummeted to zero. I no longer wanted to criticize "aint shit" women- sue me!

UCB87 (yeah, I shortened it) wrote an interesting blog about Obstacles. Go head and click that there and make sure you leave a comment too. For those that are too lazy to read the post here’s a quick excerpt:

This isn't the first time I have heard about and/or witnessed women my age testify about "fighting against the odds," and it is another one of my pet peeves. I try not to judge anyone who got "caught up" back in high school and had a baby or two or three, or four, but I get pissed off when these same women turn around and act as if they are supposed to receive a gold star for a decision THEY made. They moan and groan about how hard it is to juggle having kids, working full-time, AND going to school, as if someone put a gun to their heads and made them pop those babies out.The point I made when talking to my mother is that I don't understand people who talk about having kids, as if the kids are an obstacle they have had to overcome. When I think of an obstacle, I think of something that you had no control over something that came into your life unexpectedly. Overcoming an obstacle would be someone that was hit by a drunk driver and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives, yet they went on to win a gold medal in the Special Olympics. Unless you were raped and got pregnant, you consciously made the decision to conceive that child, and you made the decision to carry that child for nine months and bring it into the world. In other words, it's no one's fault other than your own that you have to get up at 6am every day to get Lil' Ray Ray ready for daycare.

… Bottom line: To the young mothers out there, you do NOT deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for changing diapers during the day, and studying College Algebra at night. If this offended anyone, you're welcome.

I commented on that blog and then saw that it was getting a little long so I decided to just write about that instead. Sorry to all those that would rather read about me shitting on mudslides. Next time, I promise.

I'm not going to lie- I was a bit irritated by the post. Don’t get me wrong, I dig UCB87 but… something about this post just aggravated the shit out of me. I wasn’t offended- just annoyed.

It’s no secret that I’m a young mother. While I will never call my son an obstacle, I will say that being a mother and raising my child is an obstacle. Anyone that’s a single parent can tell you that continuing an education or just living life, in general, is harder when you have children and you’re doing it alone.

noun \ˈäb-sti-kəl, -ˌsti-\
Definition of OBSTACLE
: something that impedes progress or achievement

There are people out here that didn’t expect to end up raising a child alone as a single parent. However, with determination, strength and motivation, they pushed through those long courses while still raising a child when folks probably told them they could'nt do it. I have friends, that are single parents, and I see them struggle everyday. Yes, they made the decision to keep their child as opposed to having an abortion but does that mean that they deserve to struggle or their accomplishments mean jack shit because they made that choice? Should they not be applauded because they did what a lot of other women wouldn’t do and finished up their education?

Until you’re a single parent you can not begin to understand what single parents must go through in order to finish up school and still ‘take Ray Ray to daycare’, on the bus, in the rain, with 4.00 in their pocket because they can only work part time if they want that nursing degree. Until you’re a single parent, you can not know how it feels to wonder how you’re going to buy textbooks for yourself and notebooks for your child or trying to make a 4:30 recital when your exams end at 4 and you're 40 minutes away.

As I commented on her blog, I commend all the single parents out there that push themselves to finish up school while raising a child. I praise them for sacrificing and not giving up on heir dreams and goals. I commend them for not taking the easy road and settling for Section 8 Housing and checks from “da welfare”. I don’t expect anyone to pat me on my back and say “good job on raising your son” but damn if im going to shit on someone else because they overcame, what they considered to be, an obstacle. Im not going to rant and say “ you ain’t special because you raise your kids and go to school”. As a matter of fact, I’ll stand up right now and will say to all the mothers and fathers out there taking care of their children by themselves, folks over 25 with no children or car working a bullshit job with no benefits, senior citizens with limited income, and anyone else that continues their education “Good Job! Rock out with your cock out” (I just always wanted to end a post with that LOL).

Speak on it.


JStar said...

Thank you for this! I am a single mother of two daughters. Although I wasnt able to go to college. I had my oldest at 17-I was two years behind in high school so I was at the end of my 10th grade year. I graduated high school and had my second daughter a year after I graduated. I dont get assistance of any kind. I have a sucessful career in which I have fallen but gotten back up...Its a struggle, and it sure isnt easy. I wouldnt take a second back from my young decisons to create children. Because I have still made it and am continuing to climb. My oldest will be 18 next year and we are in the process of applying for colleges and all that for her. All I can do is work with what I have and teach my girls to become all they can be.

Alovelydai said...

Khaki you ROCK! Even when you aren't shitting on mudslides. LOL!

Moving on...I found out I was pregnant the same week I started receiving college acceptance letters. It sucked. I chose to have my daughter & go to school locally (had to pass on my NYU dream)and yes it was an obstacle. Do I deserve a cookie? Who knows. My daughter is pretty fly. Even if she wasn't my kid I'd still like her & that says a lot. I agree w/ J Star I'm worked with what I had & God willin', a few hail Mary's, & a gun she won't have to overcome this obstacle.

Kingsmomma said...

You know what, it is an obstacle whether or not we were the ones who caused it. The author clearly seems bitter about the lack of attention the " good girls" are receiving. It is most definitely applause worthy for a young woman to persevere through the challenges motherhood comes with. A girl in my hs got pregnant. Our high school was academically rigorous, she had her child thusday and was in school on Monday. Applause worthy. My friend had her premature son her last yr of law school. Between breastfeeding, pumping and heart surgeries not to mention bed rest, she graduated and us holding down a job on wall street. None of these women asked for recognition or applause and yes they are handling their business but I applaud it bc it is a challenge and rather than allow their dreams to falter they made it. Now unless the author is Mary immaculate, she should realize she may be one accident away from being the very woman she so despises.

1/3 said...

Hey Khaki:-)

I think being a single mother is an obstacle. I watch my sis do it alone with my nephew and I see the sacrifices she makes. You have every right to be annoyed because only single mothers raising their children have the right to make comments like that.

Actually that whole lil blurb u quoted is immature and sounds like someone who cant take themselves out of a situation.

sorry gettin upset for the single parents cause I know its hard watchin it firsthand.

my 2 cents:-)

Richard Kolapo said...

Richard Kolapo- havent you contradicted yourself by sayin having a child isnt an obstacle when the definition of progress you found was anything that impedes (gets in the way of) your progree/achievement? they might not have wanted a baby but when you become pregnant your already a mother in my opinion and to abort that child is not easy decision

khaki la'docker said...

@Richard: I, Khaki La'Docker, said that having a child ISNT an obstacle? When did i say that? If i did, it was clearly a typo as my whole post is about supporting individuals that are going to school despite struggling to raise their children.

Freckles said...

I HEART THIS POST even though I am not a mother - not my desire so I do what I can to avoid having any sort of mishap. I have read both blogs and I see her point of view but I think that it wasnt well supported.

I know some young mothers that have babies and dont shit with themselves but I also know some young mothers that are determined to be all that they can be for themselves and their children. NO MATTER what age, parenting is hard. I have much respect for ladies that are mothers. I have a girlfriend that I went to college with that had a 3 y/o son when we were freshmen in college and by the end of that year she had gotten preggers again and married her high school sweetie. That relationship didn't work out. I know that when she decided to have this second child she did it with the thought of being a family but shit happens. It was hard on her but she managed to work, finish her BA, MA and even got a few certificates to work immediatly while going to school and being a parent. She teaches her children the importance of education and taking the time being children. So, yeah I giver her lots of accolades. There are folks that do not have children that do not accomplish half the things that she has while being a parent of a some very polite, well behaved children.

I also have a man friend that was married very young to his kids mother and they didn't work out. When they divorced she divorced being a mother as well. So he is a full time single father that works, went to school and graduated. He sacrifices alot but his do not go without much.

So yes it is hard and some do get blocked but there is nothing wrong with recognizing the people that perserve and make it in spite of their decision to be parents.

MissUndaStood26 said...

Hey Ms. Khaki,

I am a single mother of three young children ages 7,5 and 3. I'm 26 years old and attending college in pursuit of a doctorate in Psychology. I am also on Section 8 but I'm using it as a stepping stone. Out of the $875 rent I have, Section 8 covers $200 of it. As you see it helps but I'm still having to hit the ground running to maintain my footing. As single mommies we have to complete tasks that many people without children may deem impossible. So yeah, I agree with you 100%. There are many women who use Section 8, Food Stamps and Welfare as a permanent solution but there are also the ones that have a plan and are executing it to achieve the American Dream. In two short years I will be a homeowner through a program administered by Section 8, If you need the boost, By all means it is why it's there. Much Love.
A Fan

khaki la'docker said...

glad to hear that you arent abusing the system. I probably shouldve elaborated on the mention of Section 8 housing because i dont feel like women shouldnt use it. Its there for a reason- as a stepping stone and assistance for those that need it. I was referring to those that are OK with not completing their education, working, contributing to society and collecting a check.
Trust me- i dont hate on anyone out there taking assistance and using it to better themselves.
Anyway, thanks for commenting and keep doing what you do. Good Job :)

UglyCleanBroke87 said... looking over what I read, it could have been worded better. I'll admit, I was not in the best mood when I sat down to blog.

However, even after seeing the definition of "obstacle," I still don't believe having a child should be considered one. I understand that it's challenging, and I understand that it's not all roses, but it's almost as if saying that child is deterring you from what you have to do in life, even though that child did not make the decision to be here. (I'm not saying you, but "you" in general.)

I could go on and on, but like you said, we will just have to disagree on this one.

P.S. I don't "despise" anyone. I only said what was on my mind at the time.

JAY-J!™ NGUYEN said...

I understand and agree with both sides, hers and yours. I've always felt that being a single parent was an obstacle, for both the mother and the father, and this post really opened my eyes to how deep the issue really is.

Eyes on the Prize said...

These are the subjects that I am reluctant to comments on because as soon as I say something people throw it in my face, "Do you have any kids? No. So then you don't understand."

That hurts just as bad as if someone told a mother that your kid is not an excuse for etc, etc.

So therefore...I'll fall back on this one. But I feel your passion as well as UCB's passion. I guess this one might be a draw?

Krissy said...

Khahi I'm with you on this one. I really am. I'm one of those single mothers who never planned to raise a child on me own. I mean really who does right? And it is a struggle and it is tough and THAT is something someone who isn't a parent doesn't not comprehend no matter how hard they try.

Anonymous said...

On one hand, I see where you're coming from when you talk about being a single mother and not appreciating those who come across insensitive to that.

On the other hand, it is what it is. She's entitled to her opinion. If somebody's blog post made me that "irritated" I wouldn't give that person the time of day. In fact, they would be lucky to get a response from me.

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