I FUCKING HATE T-MOBILE WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL

No, scratch that. I hate my G1 with all my heart and soul. Less than one year after signing with them, I should be receiving my 3rd replacement phone due to "technical errors from the manufacturer"! Isn't that just fucking lovely?!?!?!?!

So,I wake up this morning and grab my phone to see what time it is and, strangely, my phone is off. Screen black. Nothing lit. I assumed that it died so I plug it up and power it on. The familiar T-Mobile G1 screen comes on... it vibrates... its loading and then I see a something that told me that I was going to have to cuss some random Indian or blond chick out later today... I saw a ga'damn triangle with an exclamation point next to a cartoonish picture of a G1.

Panic sets in...

Reset. Triangle. Clear cache. Triangle! Hard reset. Triangle! Nothing worked....

I get to work and call T-Mobile and tell some blond chick what happened and of course she plays the "i-cant-believe-that-happened-to-you-i-never-heard-of-this-before" shit. Annoyed, I tell her that I really don't care what she believes but I know that this has happened before because the topic is all over the net thanks to Google. I tell her that I just want a new phone or else I'm going to start cussing and her day will be just as shitty as mine. Mean? I know but that's why she gets paid double minimum wage.

Rep: Maam, please remain calm while I research this and see what I can do for you.

Me: Please do not tell me to remain calm while my whole life is being put on pause because Tmobile sent me this bullshit ass phone.

Hold music comes on and I'm getting more and more pissed...

Rep: Maam, lets try a hard reset. Pr-

Me: So, you didnt hear me when I said that I tried that and all I got was "fuck you triangle", right? I thought I made it very clear that I went through this just a month ago.

Rep: I understand but there may be a chance of user error while perf-

Me: Now, you're telling me that I am incapable of pressing two buttons simultaneously because i didn't receive 2 weeks of tech training from the University of T-mobile? Let's pretend that I did it and it still didn't work and proceed with getting me another phone because I am getting really pissed and you don't want me to start showing my ass.

Rep: No maam, I don't. One moment while I begin the process.

She then goes on and takes information and tells me I need 20.00 to pay for expedited shipping and I agree. Even after agreeing to the 20.00 for shipping, I am told that it will take 3 business days. o_O

I mustve turned 9 different shades of yellow. This is not the way to start a weekend. My whole life is ran by that phone. I schedule when I eat, sleep, shit, and run by that phone. My clients cant get a hold of me without that phone. I cant ignore calls from old peen without that phone!

Guess that's what I get for giving out the wrong number for April Fools Day ;)

1st Time...

I'm sitting here thinking about all of my little cousins that I didn't realize werent so little anymore. Most of them were born in the early-mid 90's and are in high school now. I remember them as little kids playing Redlight Greenlight and eating fruit roll ups while watching a Nickelodeon cartoon now I'm looking at Facebook pages with "S#xy az I wanna b3!!!" and I'm wondering if my little cousins are fucking. I'm hoping not but the sad reality is that they probably are.

The rest of this post was moved to ALL THE SHIT I WANT PRIVATE blog

Friends? How many of us have them!!??!?!

There’s a commonality amongst black women and that’s that we don’t effing get along. We don’t walk in the mall holding hands or kiss each other when we depart. None of that Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie shit. If we didn’t meet a woman at work, school or around the way, we aint friends. I meet a lot of women and they agree that they don’t and refuse to not deal with many women- for pretty much the same  reasons… attitudes.

I, for one, am one of those “I don’t fuck with bitches” typa women. Now, you all out there in virtual friendland are the shit but the truth of the matter is that women like you come far and between. There are a lot of grown up women that still act like children. There are a lot of grown ass women that get emotional, throw bitch fits, and will stab you in the back with no hesitation. I know women that will fuck her friend’s man in a heartbeat. For those and many other reasons, I keep my female friends list down to the bare minimum- 2 maybe 3.

I’m OK with the few female friends that I have and I love them to death. I treat them all the same and I respect them as though they are one of my sisters. We have great conversations and even if we don’t agree with one another, we respect each other and the choices that we make.

BUT, here’s the kicker, every once in a while, you’ll get tricked into thinking that you have a friend but, oh no, it’s just a bitch with a costume on. I can not deal with phoniness, sensitivity and emotions. Save that shit for your boyfriend.

I’m a guy with tits and a dress and this becomes a problem when you’re friends with a female. I don’t pick fights and I rarely discuss my feelings with a female. The women that I consider my sisters and real friends know this and that’s why we have a wonderful sisterhood… we have an understanding. There’s no trying to change one another. We accept each other for who they are. For instance, I’m a good friend… you need me for money- I’m there. You need me to kick someone ass- I’m down BUT I can be sarcastic… and my sense of humor may be a bit ignorant… but does that make me a bad friend? If it does, then fuck me; I’m just a bad friend and I can live with that. I can’t live with altering my identity to appease a bitch because she’s not happy with herself or has some sort of personality disorder. I get along with men because I act like a man… point blank.

When I sit back and wonder why I am able to get along with all of these wonderful women online but limit my friendships with women in real life, I come up with no real reason why. Maybe it’s the fact that you haven’t met me in person so you know that I’m being all me and you wont take things so personal???

I’ve factored in the attitudes, the neediness, the phoniness, periodic bouts of jealousy and all the other bullshit that comes along with being a BFF to a black woman and I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too short to be worrying about women that arent worth the worry. Fortunately for me, that’s just one less Christmas gift I have to buy.

So, let’s open this shit up for discussion. Women, do you have many female friends? Why or why not? What do you think about this?

Where do I apply to become a groupie?

I got this list... the I'd Hit It list. Basically, it a list of men that given the opportunity I'd fuck em and never speak to them again. The men on my list make me say naughty old man shit to myself... you know... shit like "I'd drink his bath water". Yeah... old man shit like that. Anybody that I am in a relationship with would have to be understanding to my desires to smash this penis noted on my list. Sorta like my personal Dick Bucket list. I have to fuck em before I meet my maker... i just have to.
1st up...
Lance Gross
That Ms. Eva is a lucky little bitch. Ironically... I wasn't "on" him until I saw him with her. He's a cutie on House of Payne but when I saw him posing with lil Ms. Top Model I added Sexual Chocolate to the list. Not saying I'd fuck her man but I'd fuck her man.

Next...
Trey Songz








Don't know what it is about this man! Maybe its the groupie stories on sites like Lipstickalley.com or Ballerallert.com but whatever it is I cant control it. I'm not a fan of lanky dudes but I'd switch it up for Trey. Listen to that song on his 1st album, "In the Middle", and tell me you cant imagine him with those pretty teeth digging into yo shit.



And...
Willy from Day 26
Ms. Simone Dior... I feel you but like I said to you on your blog "you can't fuck him until AFTER i sit on his face". Sweet Dick Willy (yup, that's what I'm calling him!) is the finest nigga in Day26! Sheeet, he's the finest nigga ever to sign a contract with Bad Boy. I'd fuck him... in the rain... outside... on the 4th of July... wearing a clown wig. Yes- it's that damn serious.











And...
Nas
Yup... Nas made the list. He got that chipped chopper fixed and that makes him a definite winner. I fell for this nigga when I saw him in that white suit on the Hate Me Now video. Damn... I would love to get tossed up to his song "Big Girl" fromt he Nastradamus CD. Say what you want but I should've been Mrs. Nasir Jones.








And...
Will Smith
I got a love thang for Will that goes back to Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He's tall, clean cut, with a sexy smile and a scrumptious body. The man is damn near (if not) 40 and looks damn good. Doesn't make it better that Jada keeps talking about how well he can fuck. Then he teased me in I Am Legend doing them chin up's... had me squirming in my chair. Damn, Will. Damn!










And...
Reggie Bush
This chocolaty goodness is FFFIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEE (said in my old horny man voice). Woo lord! I love every bit of Mr. Goodbar. Kim don't know what to do with that. That's why she walking around here trying to get him to put a ring on it. I don't need a ring Reggie. We can do this... no strings attached... unless you have good dick then I'd have to stalk that ass.









And...
Columbus Short
I know, I know... He's not that popular but there's something about a man that can pop lock and spin on his head that just does it for me. I saw cutie in Stomp the Yard and told myself "Self, if you ever run into him... Fuck him- no questions asked".

And...

Pooch Hall

I'd totally go groupie for this nigga. fucking CW cancelled The Game so I wont be watching him shirtless on Fridays anymore. DAMN YOU CW, DAMN YOU TO HELL!

I cant be the only one...

"She aint go no money in the bank- she be walking round looking all stank..."
Hold up
No, dont get it
Boy, shut up
Answers phone Yo, whats up
Shit, whatchu doing
Uhm, fucking. What up?
PEW- call me back
taps man on shoulder Okay, lets finish- we got 12 minutes.

My friends think its funny that I pick up the phone when i'm doing grown up things but it's a habit. Now, I dont always pick up the phone but if its some spare of the moment type shit and i forget to put my shit on vibrate or silent, the ringer will definitely knock me out of my sensual status. All of my friends got ring tones that make it impossible to ignore. How am i supposed to enjoy some good ole tongue spankin if "She got a donk, she got a donk" comes on?

So, question... do you answer the phone when you're doing the nasty?

Disclaimer: ** The d game is always on point so it's not that im not enjoying it. **