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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

End of Days: Bootleg Lacefronts



I'm walk into a beauty supply store to get some 1.00 lip gloss and Oil Sheen (don't judge me) and out the corner of my eye, I see a Samurai Ninja with a Geisha girl lacefront out the corner of my eye. Startled, I drop the lip gloss and back up into the shelf of oil sheen and black hair products while the geisha sashays past me wearing Apple Bottom jeans tucked in her platform snow boots.



You see a lot of strange shit in Baltimore but never have I seen an urban geisha in the middle of the hood. No, it wasn't the fact that she had on pants that instantly gave her a camel toe/ninja foot or even her black lip liner and Vaseline covered lips... it was the atrocious lace front covering her head that sent me into lace front shock.


Interrupting Khaki's rant for a MedicalMinute brought to you by Chan's Jamaican & Soul Food:



Medical Minute: Lacefront Shock occurs when a subject comes into contact with an ill-fitted, round edged, matted or tangled lacefront wig. The effects are normally short term and may include a rapid pulse, sweating, confusion and a serious case of "whatthefuckedness". The wig is usually a low-end, out the pack, 29.99 special and improperly fitted by a "lacefront technician" employed by a Korean beauty supply. There is no cure and no 5k races to end this epidemic. The only way to stop LacefrontShock is to avoid contact with anyone with their edges covered in lace and glue. Avoiding places such as CitiTrends, anywhere with Hair or Beauty in the name (Beauty Land, BeautyPlace, HairStop, etc), and, generally, every club in Baltimore may help as well.

back to regularly scheduled rant.


Let me say... I have nothing against lacefront wigs, "fake hair", human hair etc... I only get annoyed when I see grown ass women with no edges and thick layers of lace and glue stuck to their forehead strutting around like their Tyra Banks. The purpose of the lacefront wig is to give the illusion of a real hairline without having to worry that you look like you're wearing a wig. Unfortunately, the wigs that Beyonce and Naomi Campbell have spent hundreds on and paid to have properly fitted, have been bootlegged and sold for discount prices made affordable to everyone thus creating the- what I call- Geisha Look on everyday people.


I'm almost 100% sure that the creators of the bootleg lacefront are the same people that created bootleg high-heeled sneakers and the knock-off "Channel" (<--- not a typo, I actually saw one at a flea market) bags. With a little investigative work, I'm sure that i can prove this.
So, yeah, I'm just tired of seeing them everywhere. Someone is selling them on Craigslist for MEN and WOMEN! A lacefront for people who want dreads???? While it may have been photoshopped, there was a picture circulating the Internet of a beautiful brown baby rocking a long lacefront! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO??????



Please, let's work together to educate and stop the awful effects of Lacefrontshock. It takes a village an' shit.






12 comments:

NightFall914 said...

So disturbing....

Frankie said...

hot ass mess!!

ChattiiCathii said...

love this. :D

birdie said...

My biggest problem is chicks with these $600+ lace fronts that look terrible (*cough* Trina *cough*). Anyways, it’s an epidemic. I don’t know why they think that shiny, stringy, circle hairline that ain’t really a hair line because it’s sitting on your forehead, is cute.

♥Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder♥ said...

this is very true i cant stand to see jacked up lace front wigs it makes me cringe they need a PSA out on this ish!

JStar said...

AMEN AMEN AMEN THANKS for posting this! Since I do hair, I notice all kinds of bad weave jobs...I would rather they slap a relaxer in their hair and ponytail it than a whack ass weave...Since I am closer to DC than BMore I know you see a lot more of it there but we are on the same page, because we are seeing the same bs lol...If you gonna wear a weave, make it look like its yours, natural...

SinfulLyo said...

i'm calling southwest tomorrow and refunding my ticket lmfao. i cannot deal with this epidemic that you speak of. i'd be liable to shout, point, laugh uncontrollably, and possibly get into a fistfight with some raggedy broad that is suffering from "the sickness". goodbye!

E's said...

I agree with you. I have no problem with fake hair, but at least try to fool me a lil bit with it. If it's noticeably a wig or I see the lace on your forehead - not cool. You are funny..."whatthefuckedness"

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

I am CRACKING THEE FCUK UP right now! This epidemic is all over Miami as well right now and I can't STAND it! If you are going to do it, do it RIGHT! Not half assed so you can end up on twitpics that will circle the damn globe!

Rock said...

If I see anyone with a lacefront Dread Wig I'm oficially going to Jail for the first Nappyheaded beatdown of 2010. Bad enough we got old mn with dreads hanging on for deal life (don't you just wanna yank em'), people with dred extntions (ahem..Weezy..), and now this!!? This is some bull shit...nah, this is some utter cow shit.

--Bro # 1

www.nappyheadedbros.com

Ms. T said...

Loving the site!!!

Become a follower of my blog; I will be sure to follow you.

www.avalleyofhearts.blogspot.com

Thanks Ms T

Young Educated Black Male said...

that last pic takes the cake..somewhat pisses me off. somebody needs to whoop they ass for that.

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