I'm walk into a beauty supply store to get some 1.00 lip gloss and Oil Sheen (don't judge me) and out the corner of my eye, I see a Samurai Ninja with a Geisha girl lacefront out the corner of my eye. Startled, I drop the lip gloss and back up into the shelf of oil sheen and black hair products while the geisha sashays past me wearing Apple Bottom jeans tucked in her platform snow boots.
You see a lot of strange shit in Baltimore but never have I seen an urban geisha in the middle of the hood. No, it wasn't the fact that she had on pants that instantly gave her a camel toe/ninja foot or even her black lip liner and Vaseline covered lips... it was the atrocious lace front covering her head that sent me into lace front shock.
Interrupting Khaki's rant for a MedicalMinute brought to you by Chan's Jamaican & Soul Food:
Medical Minute: Lacefront Shock occurs when a subject comes into contact with an ill-fitted, round edged, matted or tangled lacefront wig. The effects are normally short term and may include a rapid pulse, sweating, confusion and a serious case of "whatthefuckedness". The wig is usually a low-end, out the pack, 29.99 special and improperly fitted by a "lacefront technician" employed by a Korean beauty supply. There is no cure and no 5k races to end this epidemic. The only way to stop LacefrontShock is to avoid contact with anyone with their edges covered in lace and glue. Avoiding places such as CitiTrends, anywhere with Hair or Beauty in the name (Beauty Land, BeautyPlace, HairStop, etc), and, generally, every club in Baltimore may help as well.
back to regularly scheduled rant.
Let me say... I have nothing against lacefront wigs, "fake hair", human hair etc... I only get annoyed when I see grown ass women with no edges and thick layers of lace and glue stuck to their forehead strutting around like their Tyra Banks. The purpose of the lacefront wig is to give the illusion of a real hairline without having to worry that you look like you're wearing a wig. Unfortunately, the wigs that Beyonce and Naomi Campbell have spent hundreds on and paid to have properly fitted, have been bootlegged and sold for discount prices made affordable to everyone thus creating the- what I call- Geisha Look on everyday people.
I'm almost 100% sure that the creators of the bootleg lacefront are the same people that created bootleg high-heeled sneakers and the knock-off "Channel" (<--- not a typo, I actually saw one at a flea market) bags. With a little investigative work, I'm sure that i can prove this.
So, yeah, I'm just tired of seeing them everywhere. Someone is selling them on Craigslist for MEN and WOMEN! A lacefront for people who want dreads???? While it may have been photoshopped, there was a picture circulating the Internet of a beautiful brown baby rocking a long lacefront! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO??????
Please, let's work together to educate and stop the awful effects of Lacefrontshock. It takes a village an' shit.